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Of course, then there's the issue of trust; how would I ever be able to trust her again? I wondered if I'd ever be able to make love to her again the way I used to, or would images of her and Vic flash through my mind; I wondered if I could ever just think of her as my wife again without attaching the caveat of adulteress.Damn it, I thought, it's like I'm being pulled apart. One side of me wants to go home so bad I can taste it, but the other side of me keeps reminding me why it's not so easy to do. Before I can even think of reconciling with my wife I first have to reconcile with myself.As I sat in the dark watching the neon sign flashing, "Vacancy," outside my window, I felt more tears running down my cheeks. One of these days, I told yours truly, I'm going to run out of those.A couple days later Anne told me my wife was on the phone. I missed her; I think it showed in my greeting."Hi, Jackie," I answered with an upbeat tone in my voice. "How are you?" Hi, Al; I'm doing about as. "How old are you?" Nine ... Nineteen." The use is what might happen when you're twenty. Or forty, or sixty, orhowever long your lifespan turns out to be. There could be somethingamazing right around the corner, but you have to make it to the cornerto find out." But no one will ever see me as a girl!" I did. In fact, I still do."I looked at her hard. Part of me thought she was just trying to get meto not jump. But I ached to be seen as I really was, and wanteddesperately to believe she was being truly sincere."Realy ... but ... but my body, ... my ... my face ..." You might be surprised what the right hormones could do for your body,and a little makeup would do wonders for your face. But those are notwhat make me see you as a girl, Its your body language that practicallyscreams 'girl' to me." I've tried so hard to hold it in. I can't anymore. It hurts ... ithurts so much ..." If you will let me, I'll help you find someone who can help you bringher out."I sank to my knees, breaking.
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